pests

i dunno why i stayed in that boarding house for so long - not very conducive to sleep and not very clean. imagine cockroaches just trailing along as if they have a right to the place. they're not even paying rent!

so anyways i had one thing that quizzed me. i drink tea that makes my bowels sooo loose so i kind of drink it after 2 days of not going to the loo. i was supposed to have it right now but when i took it out of my locker i saw that familiar opening only those pests can make. so i was supposed to fume mad but on second look, hey the paper inside was intact. it had me wishing for the first time that the pest ate every bit of the tea. hah, sweet revenge if it did. loose bowels? whoa, i just can't help but smile wickedly. bad thing those pests knew when to eat what.

anonymity

at first i thought i can use blogger to spill the darker inks of my mind and stay out of people's scrutiny by completely anonymizing my profile (if there's a word like that). but then for for aiming to please everybody i end up always on the look out for some indication. so why not be who i am and just never mind the rest? after all what i blog about is never another me i make up just to please anybody. for once i can stand up for the kind of person i am, flawed but nevertheless true to myself.

my life would suck without you

i wonder how things turn out fine even when i think i sucked big time. i and my bf had one of those many drink sessions (which does not make me a heavy drinker btw) and so tired as i was from the long travel the spirit took me soaring over my sanity. the next thing i knew was me laid down, all cleaned up, and with a grinding hypothalamus. carlo asked if i remember puking and naming him michael during my blankenness (that's how i funnily name the state) and i only look him stupidly in the eye as if he's talking in french. i can't remember any of those. but what stuck until now is him cleaning my mess up and him still brewing coffee to ease the headache.

it's not all about the coffee but the idea behind that hit me. for being at my worst i saw how he can still love me. he found me at my worst and he remained until i was able to turn the tide. he was all i never thought i deserve after a failed relationship stripped me of deserving a guy who can love me as i am. a failed relationship i thought i had my head ruling over while people all the while thought i fed my brains to the dogs.when we met i laid all the cards and asked outright if he can take them.

he walked out on me and that day became one of the darkest - as dark as when i was cut off from the family for thinking way below what they perceive my iq is. an hour later he came back and thus began a partnership that was founded in truth, sincerity, and acceptance. he got all the cards and the coffee reminded me that indeed he took it all - even the joker.

i never thought that falling in love can make me feel absolved of all the stupidity i've been doing.i have lost in love and sucked big time but i never lost hope that when i have righted all the wrongs that failed me, he'll come along and fill the hollows and complete me. carlo did all of that and i am more than thankful that hope made me see him as he walked past me during those blurry days.

my life would really have sucked had it not been because of him.