Dynomite

In this wee hour of the morning i am awake, busily busting those eggs the dyno is endlessly throwing. i have done the hard stomped applying every strategy of organizing those colors to make them explode. sandali, nahihirapan ako magenglish.

pinili ko kasi agad ung hard.walang thrill pag madali lang. ayon, nd ko matapos tapos. dyno always outwits me find every odd colored balls to make me lose.

aun, lumipat ako sa endless puzzle mode. ang siste, nandun si asar na wriley na lagi ding me dalang ibang kulay ng bola na isasalaksak ko sa kung saan at bubuo ng tatlong magkakalapit na kulay para sumabog sila. in the end it will always crush me because it is endless.

i knew beforehand that i'll lose. coz it's designed to defeat me. pero sige pa din ako. alam ko kasi kahit gano karaming kulay ng bola ang ibato nya sa akin magagawan ko ng paraan para ayusin. patibayan lang ng loob na alam mong nandyan na pero susuungin mo pa rin. gusto mong manalo pero hindi palaging ayon sa standard ng laro.

minsan sa sarili mo, alam mong hindi ka naglalaro para talunin si dyno kundi para maipanalo mo ang parte ng sarili mong gustong may mapatunayan.

sa dulo naapakan ka man ng malaking paa ni dyno tatanungin ka pa rin -

do you want to return to the game?

the day that i lost her

i'm still in the process of picking up the pieces, trying to be stable after what happened.

I lost my baby last friday and things went a little too hazier from that time on.

I don't know how else life will get kinder, but i know i am stronger, and some sunrises after i'll be back with that same old smile again.

before that happens i'll walk limping, cry heavily, and blame myself for the things that could have been if i have only.

one thing i have in mind though, is how lonelier this could be if there are no people i can run to, that technically i am poor for, i only have people i have hurt but knew i loved.

i am still very incoherent-still trying to make sense out of this whole thing that happened unexpectedly.

when i post in another i'll tell you everything in that sweet but yet too fast journey i had with my daughter.

How's the Weather

I am still here in the US, waiting for the training to wrap up so I can go home. I have trained for 3 months and has seen the way Americans live. I have gone through 3 tornados, 1 earthquake and countless storms during that span of time.

It's almost everyday that I hear strangers I meet in corridors, in walkways, hotel lobbys that the opening conversation goes this way:

Stranger: "How's it going?"
Me : "Good, how bout you?"
Stranger: "Wonderful!"

In the beginning I only get to saying good. But when I got the hang of it (and overhear them ask back how has the other been) I also started asking them how they are. I forgot that courteousness was taught in elementary.

So I went meeting them again for the days that came and the small nods gradually made it to small talks.

The easiest way to strike up a conversation is to comment on what is happening outside: here are good starters..

It's so hot! (and you will most likely get back an "oh yeah, today's warm and will be for the rest of the week" answer)
Where were you when the tornado hit? (I hope this is not used often but this is a general question that is safe to ask if you are in a group)
Did you feel the earthquake hit? I thought i was imagining things.
I love the sunshine!
Do you like rain?

Did I think they are impersonal? Yes. Until I thought how climate plays one of the factors shaping culture. I forgot it was taught in Social Sciences back in high school.

It dictates how people value certain things in their lives, how to be detached to everything that cannot be kept forever. Just as when a tornado calms down that they cry less and spend more time salvaging things. Just as how easy to leave home to get someplace else to better their lives. Just as what the weather is - here today gone tomorrow.

Born Again

I'm gonna prep up my blogspot coz I decided to have a daily public journal here rather than in Facebook. I am more into the story behind what the pictures cannot tell. I am also more comfortable having people know things about me because they bothered clicking the link not just because it suddenly popped off their wall.

I am also worried that when it's my time to go no one will know the stories behind how my life had been. I think a little bit of everyday in paper will not hurt to give my baby some bits to ponder on as she goes her way.

You'll expect surprises here, you'll get bored, even get angry or sad, share my joys and sorrows - and I will, too if you'd care to tell me how have you been in your journey. I might even be upped to share some photos. Everything goes.

Thanks for visiting =)