Shutanginamels

Sa tooooot class ko kanina habang pinagaaralan namin ang mga rekititos ng kontrata ng mga imprastraktura kagaya ng tren, tulay, at kalsada, napasambit xa ng katagang STUPID. Pangalawang beses ko na iyong narinig mula sa kanya kaya sige walang kakaiba. Then I heard him say GAGO. Ok, he's in the mood tonight I told myself. Then he said TOPAK, and another GAGO. Out of our sessions  that session was by far the most animated. I got thinking kung yun ba ay dahil sa pagloloosen up nya by expressing himself more "un"reservedly?

I am on my last year in my masters at sa narinig ko kanina, I took a mental note to come write here on my take about these words being spoken inside the classroom. I would say these incidents have been very rare. Back in the undergrad I believe I only have one recount of the f*ck you sign being demonstrated by my Ethics instructor habang itinuturo sa amin kung bakit sa pagiging isang sosyal na nilalang (not the sosi connotation but the relational version of it) nagkakaroon ng negative meaning ang mga bagay-bagay na walang katuturan sa isang baliw. 

Noong nakaraang sem nang una kong marinig sa loob ng classroom ang candid na p*tang ina sa isa kong propesor habang nasa kasagsagan sya ng kanyang lecture ganun din sa isa pang propesor na sumambit ng goddamn, bullshit, at lintik. Nakakagulat ngunit para sa akin iyon ay mga salitang pang-emphasize nila sa tindi ng kanilang posisyon sa isang ideya. Hindi ibig sabihin na gumagamit sila nun just for the sake of defying the norms but because they understand the right usage of these. I rarely catch myself swearing in public but come to think of it, it's not more hypocritical to not say it but want to rather than just say it because you are bold enough. 

Marahil dahil mature at discerning na ako sa mga bagay bagay na hindi ko sila ipinako sa krus pagkarinig ko ng mga salitang iyon. Mas sa reyalisasyon kong ito na hindi sa pauso ng isang sosyedad makikita ang lalim ng pag-intindi  mo sa mga bagay bagay kundi may mga pagkakataong ibibigay sa yo na ikaw mismo ang magdedesisyon kung ang mga nakamulatan mong mga bagay ay naaayon sa tingin mo ay mga paniniwalang magpapahintulot sa iyong matulog ng mapayapa sa gabi. 

Kanina habang pauwi ako, pakyu sabi ko sa isip ko. Pakyu, sabi ko ng mahina. Pakyu sabi ko ng mas malakas. Pagkarating ko ng bahay, nahiga ako at nakatulog na ng mahimbing.  

Flashcard

I just finished doing the week 1 and week 2 of Doch's Sight Words for Gabby. 

I realized over the long Christmas break how much of my time I robbed Gabby of. It was a Christmas break that I enjoyed because I get to make her milk and bathe and fight and cuddle with her. 

It was a different thing coming home to Gabby and be a  mother for a while until I needed to be out again and leave her with Manang Shasha. Ate took her full break that's why that vacation I have her from the time I open my eyes until I sleep. It was exhausting because I am not used to it. 

I get to see how grown up she has become, I get to lose my patience and pick up some of it afterwards. I get to brush her teeth and hide candies so she can't eat them and lie that Lolo took them away. I get to tell her that Mon-mon will eat the cavities in her teeth if she eats more candy.

I get to see how well she can dance the Nae-nae, I find her cute singing the Dessert song. I even Googled the lyrics so I can teach her the rest of it. I get to see how well she can sing Bahay Kubo in the videoke even if she actually just memorized the whole song rather than read it from the tv. I get to see how behaved and ill-behaved she could get at times. 

At the back of my head, this is Christmas. This is my gift from God. That from all the work and studying which I sincerely do for Gabby's future also, I was given that break to reconcile with my own reasons of doing things. 

Just like the flashcards I made for her, I will always want to be reminded that even when I got them in my head,  actually doing one once in a while makes me learn more than becoming only an expectator.