sundot kulangot

"un pala ang gusto kong maging sa buhay ko. faultfinder."

i don't know how i felt nung marinig ko to kanina. my first reaction was to rethink about how i knew the person and can just slightly find a part of her personality to be that way.

pero napaisip ako that by nature ganito talaga tayong mga tao mas madali nating makita ang kamalian kaysa sa kabutihan sa ibang tao.

ika nga ng kasabihan, when somebody does something good nobody remembers. when somebody does something bad, no one forgets.

at maging sa pakikitungo natin sa ibang tao may katotohanan ito - we describe a person by his flaws. yung babaeng maliit na mataba na maitim, yung lalaking maanghit na madumi ang kuko sa paa blah blah

- - - -

sundutin mo man kahit mukhang kulangot, pag ninamnam mo -

masarap din naman.

very due to spill some creative juice off the rack.

these days waves are hitting my boat and i am very tempted to imagine that i am just somewhere in the caribbean enjoying my own self paced cruise. the buzzer sounds - back to reality.

i have faced this same monitor for a year and a half already and the many days i had to boot everyday saw me through different kind of moods emoticons are very accurate of mimicking.

One day I come all made up – hitting the keys as gentle as the mood I am in. the other day I look at it with disgust – already counting in mind the hours my wrists will strain. It never mattered – whatever I am feeling I should get up, dress up, and show up.
Get a life! A friend once advised. She dissected my social meter and it perfectly described the current state it is in – boring.

But have you tried doing something very out of your comfort zone it makes you uneasy? Like a fish out of the water wanting to just dive back in even when it means just swimming in the same bowl forever? That is boring. But safe. It keeps you from those pain necessary when socializing – discrimination, self-pity, what-else-is-there-to-compare-with mentality. Other than that, I’m fine going out to get a life.

---- patalastas -----



each day i practically always wake up at 6:45, fix my bed, put on my slippers, go across the living room and flip the switch on. Then i grab my towel,heat up a cup for coffee, then go take a bath. I hang the towel on the rack, prepare the shampoo, conditioner, bath soap, and femme wash and do my thing. paglabas ko titimplahin na ang kape, kukuha ng tatlong pirasong loaf bread at isang saging. at about 8:20 makikita mo na ako palabas ng bahay at sasakay na ng kulay green na tricycle. Pagdating sa Philcoa sasakay na ng shuttle na iikot sa Tandang Sora at hihinto right in front of our building. Then bababa ako sasakay ng elevator papuntang fourth floor. bubulaga sa akin si kuya guard na gupit lang ang nagbabago at isaswipe ko ang aking badge, liliko pakaliwa at didiretso sa restroom. pagkatapos maglalakad na sa hallway papunta sa aking workstation. magbubukas ng computer, uupo, ilalapag ang bag, kukuhanin ang jaket at isasampay sa upuan, maglalabas ng gamit, at sisimulan na ang trabaho. sino'ng maysabing routinary ang buhay ko? Gusto mong malaman kung paano ko inuubos ang weekends ko?

----- balik sa programa -----

Which poses me the same question over and over - does my social meter need fixing?

F as in Efren

Papunta ako sa restroom kanina at nadaanan ko ung payroll na tumatawag. Nag-ispell sya over the phone. I for India, M for Mary… Kaya naisipan kong hanapin kung ano ang standard na phonetics at ang tawag pala ditto ay Military Phonetics Language. Anyways, what comes to mind is the movie WINDTALKERS by Nicholas Cage. Nadedetect ng mga kalaban nila ung communication nila kaya ang naisip ni Cage e mag-enlist ng mga Indians, the Navajo Tribe para sila ang mag-usap over the radio. Ayun, windang ang mga kalaban nung magjejemon yung mga sundalong tinitiktikan nila. Anyways...

Letter 1957-Present
A Alfa (or Alpha) . _
B Bravo _ . . .
C Charlie _ . _ .
D Delta _ . .
E Echo .
F Foxtrot . . _ .
G Golf _ _ .
H Hotel . . . .
I India . .
J Juliett . _ _ _
K Kilo _ . _
L Lima . _ . .
M Mike _ _
N November _ .
O Oscar _ _ _
P Papa . _ _ .
Q Quebec _ _ . _
R Romeo . _ .
S Sierra . . .
T Tango _
U Uniform . . _
V Victor . . . _
W Whiskey . _ _
X X-ray _ . . _
Y Yankee _ . _ _
Z Zulu _ _ . .

http://usmilitary.about.com/od/theorderlyroom/a/alphabet.htm

sunset

Should I be having a good camera and may start professionally in photography (well at least for this blog I can update with good subjects) magpofocus ako sa sunset. Gustong gusto ko ang kulay ng papalubog na araw. At ang madaming pwedeng ipakahulugan tungkol dito.
- My sunset is someone else’s sunrise –
I took this in Bagulin:

this is my youngest niece, si arriane ayeisha. his dad, si kuya ev ko, at ako, lahat kami merong hubad na picture habang naliligo. ewan ko nga ba kung saan nag-umpisa ang tradisyong ito. but one thing is sure, up til now, when we look at our nude baby pix, aside from the humiliation we occassionally get, good memories come with it. mga panahong walang pakialam kung tumulo man ang uhog at dilaan namin ito o makailang singhutin para lamang tumulo ulit. i wish for my nieces and nephew the same, to have a carefree childhood memories to fondly look on years from now.

i had to delete the picture,. hehe

Titodaddy's Spa-tial Father's Day

Sumali ako sa Father’s Day contest sa office. Magsasubmit ng picture ng tatay at gagawa ng write up describing the photo. Nanalo ako at may spa experience sa acropolis. Di punta naman kami this weekend.
This is my first spa experience kaya gusto kong isulat. Bakit ba. Di pasok ng building, ieentertain ng receptionist. Ang kinuha kong service ung – Executive. Libre na daw ang wet floor facilities which includes the sauna, Jacuzzi, tsaka shower. Nagshower lang ako kasi walang extra undies at hindi ko feel magburles duon kasama ang mga ibang girls at sa sauna naman, nung naconvince ko na ang sarili kong itry para lumambot ang mga libag ko at medaling makuskos, naunahan na ako nung machorvang babaeng pumasok sa room. Ayokong may kashare e. so un.
After the bath diretso na ako sa room at aba pumasok na ang masahista daladala ang kanyang oils at mga kandila. Haaay, at sa loob ng 75 minutes naramdaman ko ang ginhawang dulot ng kanyang mapagpalang mga kamay. Choz
Ganun pala yon, pero mahal. Hindi ko uulitin yon kung manggagaling sa bulsa ko. I know a luxury when I see one. And knowing me, the alltime kuripot girl - - -
Anyways, I’m gonna share you the entry – here it is.

Titodaddy took on fathering us since Dad passed away in 2001. He has three sons but I am counting myself as the only daughter, his eldest.
One time while in college, I asked him to pay my boarding house. We were not very well off but he gave me what I asked. To myself I didn't know how to repay but I told him, "I'll give this back". He just smiled and said "You don't have to". This is what Titodaddy has. A heart big enough to contain me the way he did even when he didn’t have to.
I know my daddy will not get jealous. His brother brought me up right. Dad did not see me become who we dreamed of when I was young but Titodaddy saw to it that I'll be.
This picture? It is just one of the simple ones we have. Plain enough to see how assured I look knowing that nothing will go wrong becauseTitodaddy is beside me.
That’s where best fathers are found.

IRIS

I’ve been meaning to write as much as I can about any thing that comes to my fancy, or about anything that happens to me, or about anything worth my time jotting down. But if things are too handy, sometimes we end up not noticing them right away. We look too far because what is near seems not to make up for our eye’s capacity to see.

I wanted to write about the world, wanting to be noticed of something worthwhile that I have written. Only, that the world I should have been writing is the kind of world I know, not that world every body else is seeing.
I will be writing mostly in Tagalog now. Anyways, I took this picture from the DFA auditorium ceiling. Closely resembles the iris don’t you think?

ukay ukay

i am using my oldest corporate top right now. it dates back when i was a minor trying to look of authority in front of our college FS panel. it's funny how i would put the top at the back of my closet not intending to wear it again - and when i clean up i find myself using it again. it looks old to me now but i still am comfortable wearing it.

it's funny when you wear something old that old times come to you instantly. it was never a problem to me, i have a hard time letting go of old things - i am a pack rat. i don't know if this is a good attitude but the feeling of something familiar in a constantly changing atmosphere lets me stop for a while and get back to the things i really want.

i wore this top and it sort of put me back to that room where all i wanted is to tell my panel to get on with it and i'm out. i left that room - wearing what was then a brand new top - wearing my first successful grin. it brought me back today that kind of success - and no it did not get old.


my mother's earrings she got from her mother who had it from her father is another of those i find very mysterious. it is the only heirloom i have, my only connection to the older generation of the family. in two occasions i thought i lost one forever and i can't explain the loss that came with it. for about a month i can't get over how i got so neglectful of a very important thing. i am very convinced i lost it in school as the lock has gotten loose. then as i come from school i found the earring hanging on a nail in our hallway. how the hell did it get there? it looked the same but to me it didn't look old anymore. it has become a new link to something i would want to pass on to my children.

now that earring has a special place in my closet, locked up with all the other old lucky tops i'll always hold dear in my heart.

choice - choose - chose - chosen

it's funny when at times another choice presents itself and you knew right away you are going to choose it. hindi naman to masyadong seryoso. kasi kanina tumawag si kuya ko saying he'll be here in two days time. i have a weekend getaway in galera so i thought of cancelling it with a reservation fee of $1000 charged to loss.

what i want to point out is there are choices which could make you let go of something equally important because you know that what you have chosen will not have you saying should haves later. well, it's not even a choice in this case because family should always come first.

dibidi clear copy

linggo ng gabi habang naglalakad ako papunta sa sakayan ng traysikel, nahigingan ko ang isang namumuong awayan. isang hindi pangakaraniwang eksenang napapanood ng isang probinsyanang magdadalawang taon pa lang sa maynila. first time kong makapanood ng true to life komprontasyon ng isang legal na asawa yata o girlfriend at ng isang kabit. sabi nung matandang babaeng nagtitinda ng mga kunyari inuusyoso kong dvd sa bangketa para may rason akong manood ng eksena, lagi daw kasing nakabackride yong girlet dun sa erick na traysikel driver pala dun sa KNL TODA. oh em gee at nang sundan ko ng tingin ang tinuturong erick por dios! wala na akong sinabi. nangingiti na lang ako habang nagugunita ang pagsasabunutan ng dalawang nilalang na pinaglaruan ng iisang pag-ibig. chos. sa kamay ko hawak ko na ang dvd'ng isa ring saksi ng aking pangangaliwa (hoy! iba iniisip mo, pamimirata!)/ ganun kaya un, parehong kopya pero mas mura ang pirata? at para lang may masabi, kung ako si erick pipiliin ko na yung pangalawa. mas sariwa, pero higit sa lahat sabi nga ni bob ong, kapag papipiliin ka, piliin mo yung pangalawa. dahil walang pangalawa kung mahal mo ung una. yung pangalawa, mas mura nga. hay

kontin g barya ate, koya

i was on my way to cubao this morning to buy groceries. while onboard the jeepney there's this kid distributing his stinky envelopes with some scribbles asking for "konting barya pang kain lang po ate kuya". on instinct, because i just took my bath got the envelope on the tip of two fingers and immediately gave it back to the kid. ang hirap idescribe sa english. nagpunas muna sya ng sipon bago nya kinuha sa kamay ko, at nasagi pa nya. i looked at him disgustingly and turned my back away.
ang yabang ko ano? pero totoong yun ang ginawa ko. bakit nga kaya ang instinct natin e mandiri sa kanila? at totoong mapanghi at hindi maintindihan ang amoy nila. pero alam mo, ang nakakakonsensya hindi na nga ako nakatulong nandidiri pa ako. at sinisi ko sa isip ko ang mga nanay at tatay nila, ang mga lola at lolo nila, ang mga kapitbahay nila, ang gobyerno, hanggang wala na akong masisi. sino ang may kasalanan na nasa harap ko kanina yung bata at napatunayan ko sa sarili ko na isa rin pala akong mapang-alipusta? sino ang may kasalanang nasa harap ko kanina ang bata at pinandirihan ko?
mga tanong na ihahanapan ko ng sagot na magiging pabor sa kakulangan ko.
nuong akinse ng abril, naifile ang income tax return ko. kanina sa grocery nagbayad ako ng VAT. anong ginagawa ko at nakokonsensya ako sa bata? hay naku. wala na akong sinabi.
at sa daan pauwi dahil sa kabagalan ng trapiko sa hilerang iyon ng 15th avenue napatitig ako sa isang poste at nairita na naman ako. yung isang pulitiko kaganda ng posing sa poster. parang artista lang. aba nakikita ko ang ginawang pagdiamond peel sa kanya with seaweed mask, ang pageyelash extension habang ang mga paa at kamay ay minamassage at minamanicure pedicure, ang pagrebond sa buhok nyang nangungulay tanso na, ang pagthreading sa perpektong kilay nya - at nakita ko yung bata. nangiwi na lang ako at nandiri - hindi na sa kapanghian nya - kundi sa katotohanang maulanan man sya at masabunan at mabihisan mananatili syang busabos at sa katagalan mangangamoy ulit at mandidiri tayo ulit at ang mundo ay iinog lang nang parang walang nangyari.