ukay ukay

i am using my oldest corporate top right now. it dates back when i was a minor trying to look of authority in front of our college FS panel. it's funny how i would put the top at the back of my closet not intending to wear it again - and when i clean up i find myself using it again. it looks old to me now but i still am comfortable wearing it.

it's funny when you wear something old that old times come to you instantly. it was never a problem to me, i have a hard time letting go of old things - i am a pack rat. i don't know if this is a good attitude but the feeling of something familiar in a constantly changing atmosphere lets me stop for a while and get back to the things i really want.

i wore this top and it sort of put me back to that room where all i wanted is to tell my panel to get on with it and i'm out. i left that room - wearing what was then a brand new top - wearing my first successful grin. it brought me back today that kind of success - and no it did not get old.


my mother's earrings she got from her mother who had it from her father is another of those i find very mysterious. it is the only heirloom i have, my only connection to the older generation of the family. in two occasions i thought i lost one forever and i can't explain the loss that came with it. for about a month i can't get over how i got so neglectful of a very important thing. i am very convinced i lost it in school as the lock has gotten loose. then as i come from school i found the earring hanging on a nail in our hallway. how the hell did it get there? it looked the same but to me it didn't look old anymore. it has become a new link to something i would want to pass on to my children.

now that earring has a special place in my closet, locked up with all the other old lucky tops i'll always hold dear in my heart.

choice - choose - chose - chosen

it's funny when at times another choice presents itself and you knew right away you are going to choose it. hindi naman to masyadong seryoso. kasi kanina tumawag si kuya ko saying he'll be here in two days time. i have a weekend getaway in galera so i thought of cancelling it with a reservation fee of $1000 charged to loss.

what i want to point out is there are choices which could make you let go of something equally important because you know that what you have chosen will not have you saying should haves later. well, it's not even a choice in this case because family should always come first.

dibidi clear copy

linggo ng gabi habang naglalakad ako papunta sa sakayan ng traysikel, nahigingan ko ang isang namumuong awayan. isang hindi pangakaraniwang eksenang napapanood ng isang probinsyanang magdadalawang taon pa lang sa maynila. first time kong makapanood ng true to life komprontasyon ng isang legal na asawa yata o girlfriend at ng isang kabit. sabi nung matandang babaeng nagtitinda ng mga kunyari inuusyoso kong dvd sa bangketa para may rason akong manood ng eksena, lagi daw kasing nakabackride yong girlet dun sa erick na traysikel driver pala dun sa KNL TODA. oh em gee at nang sundan ko ng tingin ang tinuturong erick por dios! wala na akong sinabi. nangingiti na lang ako habang nagugunita ang pagsasabunutan ng dalawang nilalang na pinaglaruan ng iisang pag-ibig. chos. sa kamay ko hawak ko na ang dvd'ng isa ring saksi ng aking pangangaliwa (hoy! iba iniisip mo, pamimirata!)/ ganun kaya un, parehong kopya pero mas mura ang pirata? at para lang may masabi, kung ako si erick pipiliin ko na yung pangalawa. mas sariwa, pero higit sa lahat sabi nga ni bob ong, kapag papipiliin ka, piliin mo yung pangalawa. dahil walang pangalawa kung mahal mo ung una. yung pangalawa, mas mura nga. hay

kontin g barya ate, koya

i was on my way to cubao this morning to buy groceries. while onboard the jeepney there's this kid distributing his stinky envelopes with some scribbles asking for "konting barya pang kain lang po ate kuya". on instinct, because i just took my bath got the envelope on the tip of two fingers and immediately gave it back to the kid. ang hirap idescribe sa english. nagpunas muna sya ng sipon bago nya kinuha sa kamay ko, at nasagi pa nya. i looked at him disgustingly and turned my back away.
ang yabang ko ano? pero totoong yun ang ginawa ko. bakit nga kaya ang instinct natin e mandiri sa kanila? at totoong mapanghi at hindi maintindihan ang amoy nila. pero alam mo, ang nakakakonsensya hindi na nga ako nakatulong nandidiri pa ako. at sinisi ko sa isip ko ang mga nanay at tatay nila, ang mga lola at lolo nila, ang mga kapitbahay nila, ang gobyerno, hanggang wala na akong masisi. sino ang may kasalanan na nasa harap ko kanina yung bata at napatunayan ko sa sarili ko na isa rin pala akong mapang-alipusta? sino ang may kasalanang nasa harap ko kanina ang bata at pinandirihan ko?
mga tanong na ihahanapan ko ng sagot na magiging pabor sa kakulangan ko.
nuong akinse ng abril, naifile ang income tax return ko. kanina sa grocery nagbayad ako ng VAT. anong ginagawa ko at nakokonsensya ako sa bata? hay naku. wala na akong sinabi.
at sa daan pauwi dahil sa kabagalan ng trapiko sa hilerang iyon ng 15th avenue napatitig ako sa isang poste at nairita na naman ako. yung isang pulitiko kaganda ng posing sa poster. parang artista lang. aba nakikita ko ang ginawang pagdiamond peel sa kanya with seaweed mask, ang pageyelash extension habang ang mga paa at kamay ay minamassage at minamanicure pedicure, ang pagrebond sa buhok nyang nangungulay tanso na, ang pagthreading sa perpektong kilay nya - at nakita ko yung bata. nangiwi na lang ako at nandiri - hindi na sa kapanghian nya - kundi sa katotohanang maulanan man sya at masabunan at mabihisan mananatili syang busabos at sa katagalan mangangamoy ulit at mandidiri tayo ulit at ang mundo ay iinog lang nang parang walang nangyari.